Sexy Pizza Dough

You know you have a dirty mind when . . .

 . . . all you can see is how much this resembles a butt . . .

. . . and you go and make it worse.

Yes, I'd like some balls on my pizza please!

Summer Bugs

I've noticed that ants like to hang out in the shade cast by the front gate during the summer time. I like to step on them as I leave to go to work because it serves as a great visual when I have to deal with asshole clients.

But this little guy made me smile when I got home from work one day.

Isn't it cute? There were actually two of them on pillar. I think they were going to mate.

Speaking of mating, check out this pair of mosquitoes fucking on my front door.

I should have killed them, but I didn't because now I can say that a pair of mosquitoes fornicated on my front door and they do it ass to ass. They made me laugh and for that they get a pass.

P.S. Everyone needs to watch this video on slug sex. It's fucking beautiful.

My New Laptop

The laptop that I need for school come September arrived last week. Yes, I just got around to posting it now.

Total = $1275.08 with a backpack (which hasn't arrived yet).

Specs:

• Model: Lenovo Thinkpad T430
• Screen: 14.0" HD and Anti-Glare (good for the long hours that I'll spend staring at the screen)
• Processor: Intel Core i5-3230M
• Operating System: Windows 7 home premium 64 (I don't like Windows 8)
• Memory: 8 GB (2DIMM)
• Hard Drive: 180GB solid state drive
• Optical device: DVD recordable

Happy humpday to me

Tickle Bell Dolphin

Guess what I managed to unearth during my spring cleaning session?

A clitoris stimulator:

Tickle Bell Dolphin: A clitoris stimulator

I remember receiving this for my 18th birthday. It came along side with three pairs of very racy buttfloss thongs. My friends had said, "We figured that you already have something for your innie, so we got you something for your outie."

I have the best friends ever!

The hearts are for love.

I put in a couple of AA batteries and it still works after almost eight years!

Happy Humpday indeed.

Learn A (Dirty) New Language

These books were the best things I bought from my trip to New York and I actually bought them in Seattle of all places while on my way back home to Vancouver. Go figure.

 

The most hilarious moment was when one of my friends tried to say "I would like to eat your tofu" in Mandarin. At first I didn't understand what she was saying; however, when I figured it out, my jaw dropped because I thought that was the standard phrase that one would use when making a proposition to perform oral sex upon another person.

It was rather disappointing to learn that it's a common expression for "I would like to sexually harass you a bit." Boo-hiss.

Oh, well. I'll still always consider "wǒ xiăng chī nĭ de dòufu" to be performing oral sex rather than to sexually harass.

Buttons of Funny

A couple of the funniest buttons that I have ever seen.

 

If it didn't make you at least giggle, then you're not human.

Hard Enough To Break Through Walls

So I saw these at a Japanese convenience store in downtown Vancouver:



The best type of hair gel are the ones that make you hard.

And my mind went places. Places that were shady, smutty, and sullied. Which then threw me into a giggling fit.

Good times :)

P.S. - I leave for vacation to NYC from August 31 to September 9. I have posts scheduled to go up while I am away but Blogger doesn't always post what I've scheduled. Just to let you in case you're thinking WTF?

Save The Hand Dryers!

So while I was drying my hands the other day, I wondered whatever happened to those old-school hand dryers. Not those fancy new ones like Xlerator or Dyson Airblade, but the ones where you have to press a button to get it to start.

Remember those?

Then of course my mind decided to save old-school hand dryers in the best way possible:

If only we could all press a button for instantaneous blowjobs . . . I think the world would be a better place.

Mother Knows Best

To follow up on this jellyfish post I present to you my masterpiece:

I had too much fun drawing this.

5 Unintentionally Dirty Phrases

1. This is hard.
2. Oh, I love cream pie!
3. I've had thicker
4. This is really hard.
5. I need to put something in my mouth. Like right now.

Happy humpday, everybody!

Happy Humpday: An Introduction

Humpday is another word for Wednesday, used in the context of getting halfway through a tough week. (Urban Dictionary) It was not originally meant to carry a more sexual meaning, but it does now! Which means my blog officially has adult content.

YaY! hApPiNeSs!

Why am I doing this? Well, because you know, I would like a week break here and there from worrying about whether or not I'd be able to poop solids after trying all the strange shit that my people eat.

So without further ado, here is me and the Future Hubby (who needs to be tall enough for us to take this picture):



Bet you've never seen that Disney movie before!

Note to future self: bring lots of lube.

Happy Humpday, everybody :)