Shit Chinese People Eat: Beef Junk

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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Another delicious dim sum dish is "beef junk" or beef mix, but I like junk more so we'll just call it beef junk.

Yes, green onions are meant to make this look appetizing

Within beef junk, you get a trio of goodies which are from top to bottom: beef tendon, beef tripe from the cow's second stomach chamber (reticulum or honeycomb), and more beef tripe from the cow's first stomach chamber (rumen or smooth).

I like to otherwise call them tough shit, white shit, and fluffy shit

Beef tripe from the cow's third stomach chamber, called omasum or bible, is more easily found in Vietnamese pho, which we'll get to at another date.

PS Breakfast Sausages — Most commercially produced sausages in the United States contain pork and beef tripe as filler (Wikipedia for the win).

Bet you won't look at another sausage the same way again! =D

Hello Summer, I'm Looking Good

Look what came in the mail:

Dance and squeal with girly joy!

Look what my mom got for me:

Is dead from the pinkgasm

Oh my God, my life is complete.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Squid Tentacles

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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To the average Asian person, squid tentacles are not very weird at all. But I can understand how one would find a massive orgy of them to be intimidating:

This orgy may be the key to unlocking Squidward's happiness.

It was so delicious! Hot off the teppan and cooked to just done so that it was crunchy and chewy. I was a bit worried about the freshness of the squid because I ate some of it with my fingers and later it smelled like sweaty vagina, but of the sexy variety and not like Fish Sauce. However, my poop came out pleasantly solid the next day, so there's that. It came out in long strips too which was rather reminiscent of squid tentacles:

This could be a chunk of hair from the Queen of Blades.

If you're in Vancouver, then go to the Richmond Night Market and get this from the Chef James stall. You can't miss it, the sign is bright orange and BBQ squid is the only dish they make. It's $6 CDN for an order which is kind of expensive but for Vancouver it's decent.

Diablo III

A co-worker gave me his guest pass for Diablo III (thanks buddy!) and I finished the Skeleton King in about 6 hours. That's with exploring every nook and cranny in the game.

You can call me ACE, the demon hunter.

Now when I walk past a sleeping hobo, I'll have to restrain myself from looting him like a dead villager. For reals, man. No joke.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Baby Octopus

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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My parents, being the adventurous eaters that they are, bought this appetizer dish from Fujiya, a Japanese grocery store:

Chopped ginger and hot peppers make it look so pretty...

If this octopus was a character on South Park, it would be Canadian for sure. A Hannibal Lecter edition because mmm brains! Or a scuttling baby Alien from the back. Beware of its corrosive saliva:

...but that doesn't mean it'll taste good. Fuckers!

This actually was not delicious, at all. I thought it would taste like barbeque but it tasted like pickles instead. Also, it had the same consistency of a baby cuttlefish but mushier, especially at the head.

I'm pretty sure this is what gave me a brief episode of the runs a while back. I don't think they cleaned it very well before they cooked it.

:(

Why I No Longer Chew Gum

I used to chew gum all the time. It has a great number of uses. For example:

Taking a test? Chew some gum, it'll help you concentrate.

Have stinky breath? Chew some gum, it'll mask the stink.

Don't have glue? Chew some gum, it'll stick just as well.

And then this happened:

Holy Jesus fuck on a stick.

Here's a closer look at the creepy crawlie:

The worm was still alive when I opened it.

Dear Excel: I fucking hate you! Traumatized for life.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Crab Innards

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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Go to any Chinese seafood restaurant and there's bound to be crab in its set course meals for two people or more. If there isn't, then you need to find another restaurant because that's an epic fail. Crab is cooked in various delicious ways but my favourite is deep fried and smothered with sauce:

Crab is a one-way ticket to gout, cholesterol and a whole host of other problems, but none more so than its innards:

Beware of crab poo. No, really.

For the record, I don't eat the innards; so I don't know what's edible and what's not. But from the little research I did for this post, apparently most (but not all!) of it is edible and it tastes very muddy. Also there's a Japanese dish called kani miso which is intact crab innards cooked directly in the top shell. You can eat it as it is or turn it into a dipping sauce for crab meat.

WARNING: Don't try making kani miso at home! I am not liable for you getting some health problem from eating the wrong thing. In my best Engrish, "You no sue!"

If anybody does know what parts to eat or how to properly prepare and cook it, please post a comment because I would like to try :)

Asianized Pasta

A sign in Richmond:

Sweaty, unwashed vaginas this way.

Maybe they use fish sauce.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Fish Sauce

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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My parents and I went to a Vietnamese restaurant for dinner and this is the one of the combos we ordered:

It was delicious but we couldn't finish it because we ordered other stuff as well, so we brought some leftovers home and they gave us one of these take away sauces:

This is not a urine sample.

Looks like piss, but it's actually fish sauce. Let me tell you that fish sauce at room temperature smells like sweaty, unwashed vagina. It's not the good kind either (like sex), but the bad kind when a girl hasn't showered for three days.

If you're unfortunate enough to get this on your clothes, then you better use strong detergent because that stuff lingers.

Side Note: "Fish sauce is a condiment that is derived from fish that has been allowed to ferment." (Wikipedia)

Oh, dear Lord. Gross! But yummy.