Spring Is Here!

You can always tell when spring has arrived in Vancouver by the cherry blossoms.

 

These white ones always bloom at the first sign of sun. Hopefully the good weather will hold so that the blossoms don't get pelted down by the rain.

Happy spring! I'm sorry Regina, that you have -21C while we have 18C. But I'm not really

Picture Trivia

Picture trivia: In what city did I take this picture?

 

A) Vancouver

B) Las Vegas

C) New York

D) Taipei



 

Come on, this is an easy one!

Answer: Grand Central Station, New York City, New York

Hi-Chew

I'm just going to leave this here:

 

Candy that's almost as good as sex.

Tickle Bell Dolphin

Guess what I managed to unearth during my spring cleaning session?

A clitoris stimulator:

Tickle Bell Dolphin: A clitoris stimulator

I remember receiving this for my 18th birthday. It came along side with three pairs of very racy buttfloss thongs. My friends had said, "We figured that you already have something for your innie, so we got you something for your outie."

I have the best friends ever!

The hearts are for love.

I put in a couple of AA batteries and it still works after almost eight years!

Happy Humpday indeed.

Spring Cleaning 2013 Conclusion

All finished! 

 

Less of a nightmare

For now at least. Doesn't look like much has changed, has it?

Damn, I am too much of a pack rat.

Spring Cleaning 2013

Cupboard nightmare

Standing back and looking at this made my anxiety shoot through the roof. Fucking Christ do I keep a lot of shit!

Yes, apparently I have a tarot card deck. I unearthed it while looking for something else last week. Seriously, what the fuck?

This called for a spring cleaning and oh boy, is it going to take a while. Started yesterday and still going strong because this is one of three cupboards and that's not to mention my buttload of skin care and make up scattered in five different places.

GAH!

Ankle Anniversary

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of when I broke my left ankle. On a sunny Saturday morning in March 2011, I was carrying some empty boxes from a nearby Starbucks for an upcoming move. I was too ambitious and stacked the boxes up too high to be able to see over them. And of course, as per typical Vancouver weather it had rained all night, so there was muddy grass on both sides of the sloped and curving path that I took. Needless to say, I tripped and fell. My legs crumpled beneath me and as I went down, the full weight of my ass landed right on top of my ankles and broke the left fibula (the thinner, outer bone in the leg).

 

Bruised and swollen

 

My ankle swelled to twice its normal size and hurt like a real mofo, but only for 15 minutes or so because by then the adrenaline kicks in and dulls the pain. I called my mom who called my brother and they both came to pick me up. It was a really awkward hippity-hoppity dance to the car using only my right leg (on a what I found out later was a sprained right ankle).

 

In the car, my mom wanted to take me to the hospital to which I scoffed and said, "It's okay, it doesn't really hurt that much. We'll just go see the family doctor on Monday."

 

I'm not kidding, it really didn't hurt if I don't move it or put any weight on it. Adrenaline is a very effective painkiller.

 

The stitches gets absorbed into my body. How cool is that?

 

My mother (God bless her) insisted that we go to the hospital and so off we went. Then at the hospital while I was getting x-rayed, the trainee technician clearly didn't know what the fuck he was doing and lost his hold on me. To prevent myself from face-planting onto the floor, I instinctively stood on both legs which meant, yes, I put weight on my broken left ankle. I'm pretty sure this is what put my already broken ankle slightly out of alignment and it required surgery.

The doctors did say something about torn ligaments and other things but still, that fucking technician ought to be fired and shot.

4 bolts and a plate

They put me on an IV drip and I stayed overnight. I wasn't allowed any food for 24 hours, nor water for 12 hours prior to the surgery and they wheeled me in for operation at 10pm on Sunday.

When I woke up, I registered that it was 12am on Monday and that I felt nauseous so I closed my eyes again. Then I proceeded to trip out for 30 minutes. They had me on some really good drugs.

An occupational therapist taught me how to go up and down the stairs using crutches and then I was discharged on Monday afternoon. I was out of commission for a total of 3 months: a strict no-weight bearing period of 6 weeks in a fibreglass cast, and then another 6 weeks spent re-learning how to walk in an air-walker boot. The strangest thing when I started walking again was that the inside of my ankle hurt more than the outside. (What the fuck? I don't know, don't look at me.)

It took a full year of physiotherapy before I felt ready to run again and two years later the area of incision is still discoloured and likely always will be.

I wish the story was more glamourous than what I've told (like breaking my ankle from executing a round-house kick on a couple of crooks), but there you go.

 

At least I get to keep the hardware. For life. (No, I don't beep at the airport. Thank God.)

Cinderella Ice

Doesn't this look pretty? Makes me feel like a princess and reminds me of Cinderella's ball gown.

*Happy sigh*

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Testicles

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea

are planes, cars, and boats.

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Images are not mine
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I was originally not going to blog about chicken testicles since I was unable to find any in Taiwan. I am so disappointed that I'm going to call it the Great Chicken Testicle Shortage of 2013.

Seriously, where are all my balls at?

But this was too 'juicy' (literally) to not blog about, so I went and got these images off the internet:

Raw chicken testicles

And as you can see the average chicken testicle measures in at approximately an inch in length.

However, the bigger your cock, the bigger your balls (as seen above). The sexual reproduction system of a rooster is internal, so you have to cut it open in order to harvest its testicles.

Chicken testicles are definitely edible. It's tasteless on its own but tastes absolutely divine with garlic soy sauce and ginger. Be prepared for the instant burst of juice when you break the sac: you would expect the inside to harden once it's cooked, but the consistency is extremely watery. It's almost like having come in your mouth, in fact, that's probably where the term "busting a nut" came from.

Don't forget to swallow!

Grilled chicken testicles

You can cook them however you like, grilled (as shown above) or boiled. I wouldn't recommend skewering them, however, unless you want ball juice dribbling down your arm. They really are quite fragile.

I haven't had them for a while because they're filled with testosterone and a bunch of other hormones. I have to say, chicken testosterone does really funky things to my body, namely an increase in anger and aggressive behaviour, as well as a higher sex drive. The worse thing about them is that it thickens and blackens the hair all over my body.

Speaking of hair, there was a news story a few years back in Taiwan of a boy who every day had marinated chicken testicles as an after school snack. We're talking about a very young boy who at his age, would still be easily affected by what he eats. He had to start shaving when he turned 6.

So just as a health warning: don't eat too many chicken testicles because even though they are very much edible, they are still quite dangerous and can be harmful to the body.

My apologies for posting this a day late. What can I say? I got distracted by all the gay porn when I googled testicles. Now I'm going to have lunch. Have a nice day!