Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Brain

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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So to continue on from last week's discussion, one edible part of a chicken head is the brain. Here's the back of the head with an incision already made into the skull.

When the head has been cooked for a while, the whole bone structure of the head becomes fairly soft so it's easy to peel away parts of the skull, like so:

Easily confused with a mind-controlling alien blob. Yup.

I managed to extract the brain completely intact with the brain stem:

At a certain angle it could look like a monkey's butt.

But it falls apart when I try to pick it up with chopsticks. Like it just naturally parts into left brain, right brain, and brain stem:

Chicken brain tastes as disgusting as it looks. I was expecting it to taste like oysters because it felt mushy but firm when I took it out.

But it tasted very strongly of blood and had the consistency of soft boogers, like the hard yellow ones that have been stewed in snot so that it ends up kind of squishy.

No amount of sauce, dipping or otherwise, is going to block the metallic and tangy bitter taste when the brain hits the back of the tongue. My brain told me not to swallow it, but I did anyway. Fuck, it was traumatizing and I used to fucking like this stuff?!

Oh, God. Seriously, the things I do for this blog.

Don't eat this unless it's life or death and chicken brain is the only available protein that will keep you alive. In case your friends ever wonder what chicken brian taste like, just tell them this little formula:

Brain = Blood + Boogers

Worst Words Ever: Turgid

So I was reading a piece of erotica the other day and it was pretty good until I read the word "turgid."

Seriously, of all the words at an author can use to describe a penis why the fuck did it have to be turgid? I mean Jesus-fuck, it starts with the word “turd” and ends with the word “frigid.”

Look! I even drew you a picture to show you what a horrible word it is:

In this case, it's only right to use a yellowy-pee colour as the background.

And when that cold shit melts in hot piss, it's enough to put the “eww” in “putrid.”

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Head

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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When I say chicken head, it is not in any relation to the derogatory term chicken head (something I've never heard of until I had to write this post and I thought I would share that with you) but chicken head like a-type-of-meat chicken head.

So without further ado, here's the head:

Chicken head in bad lighting

Yeah, it's black and no, I'm not racist. This breed of chicken is called silkie and it comes in black or white. Black silkies are mostly chopped up and boiled in water with Chinese herbs and roots to make a medicinal broth; and when done right both the broth and the chicken taste pretty good.

The head on the other hand . . . sigh. I don't know what to tell you other than the fact that most of it is inedible because it's all skin and bones with very little fat. I ate the combs and the wattle which is just skin but still very eww and you can bet your ass that I smothered that shit in soy sauce and sriracha sauce before I ate it.

Upward shot from the neck. The bad lighting was a good idea in this case.

I have to say, I was a little traumatized after I ate this because it was just so gross. The whole concept of eating a chicken head is fucking disgusting, but according to my mom I used to love it, particularly the skin and the brain (omfg, more on that in next week's edition of Shit Chinese People Eat).

Oh, the things I do for this blog. Fuck.

Sidewalk Stretch

As part of my let's-learn-to-take-better-pictures craze, I thought I would show you my favourite stretch of sidewalk on my way to work every day.

The weather in Vancouver is crap right now (cloudy; rain; oh, sun! but for a short time only; cloudy, cloudy, rain) so the picture doesn't have very good lighting. When Mother Nature decides to stop dangling her pussy treats with these "periods of sunshine" bullshit, I'll take a better picture.

But for now, She'll continue to cackle down at us puny mortals with, "It ain't summer yet, bitches!"

Happy Humpday: An Introduction

Humpday is another word for Wednesday, used in the context of getting halfway through a tough week. (Urban Dictionary) It was not originally meant to carry a more sexual meaning, but it does now! Which means my blog officially has adult content.

YaY! hApPiNeSs!

Why am I doing this? Well, because you know, I would like a week break here and there from worrying about whether or not I'd be able to poop solids after trying all the strange shit that my people eat.

So without further ado, here is me and the Future Hubby (who needs to be tall enough for us to take this picture):



Bet you've never seen that Disney movie before!

Note to future self: bring lots of lube.

Happy Humpday, everybody :)

Cling-ching went the keys of my heart

Lock, lock away your love with the keys of my heart.

Look, look behind your shoes all the way to the start.

There, there lies the short ride of life.

Where, where the stretched laments are rife.

Did you get that? No? Me neither.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Shark Fin Soup

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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So you might have heard some noise about shark finning within the last few years. If you haven't, then that's okay too. You're about to become more 'edjumacated.'

"Shark fin soup is a popular soup item of Chinese cuisine usually served at special occasions such as weddings and banquets, or as a luxury item in Chinese culture." (Wikipedia for the win)

In other words, shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick.

Shark fin soup looks something like this:

Shark fin is considered to be a delicacy because it takes a long-ass time to prepare. From what I understand, it could take days to cook a fin. (Read here for instructions)

"The delicacy was coveted by emperors because it was rare, delicious and required elaborate preparation... It symbolizes wealth, power, prestige and honour." Or in other words shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick.

Shark fin itself doesn't taste like anything but the Chinese will smother you like a ship full of tribbles until you believe in its texture. It is also transparent in colour and really hard to see when it's mixed in with a bunch of other crap, but I managed to get a decent picture of one strand of shark fin:

I come shark fin from my dick...if only.

The reason why shark fin is so controversial is because the finning is rather inhumane. Basically the dorsal (top fin), pectoral (side fins) and caudal (tail) fins are cut off while the shark is alive and then the body is chucked back into the ocean because it isn't worth anything. It's like being roofied and then fucked sideways in the ass by a horse. Sounds like something that will happen in The Hangover III but it's ten times worse because you die.

How does one stop the finning? Well, that ties in with the question of why. Because if it doesn't taste like anything, why do people still eat it?

The reason is (for the third fucking time) shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick. The mentality of having more, having bigger and better things than the people around you is so embedded in the mindset and culture of the Chinese people that it's going to take generations to turn this around. Also, with the standard of living in China steadily increasing it means more and more people will have the means to afford the luxury of eating shark fin soup. So yeah, it's going to take a while but that doesn't mean that it can't be done.

My solution to this problem is that somebody needs to invent a real light saber. I mean really make light sabers a reality. Like pronto. It'll be all the rage, and the Chinese will have it, and they'll be able to wave it in each other's faces, and maybe have a light off.

Jedi-style.

What? There's nothing wrong with that! It's a completely different type of dick!

Or set the standard on to something a little less ecologically damaging. I guess there's that too.

And for the ladies, don't feel left out. Substitute designer bag for dick and now you know what I mean. Lord knows, I'm guilty of this.

To end today's rather long post, I'm going to leave you with a deep thought. Who is actually to blame for the deaths of over 25 million sharks every year: the finners or the consumers?

May the force be with you. Live long and prosper.

Eggs are the breakfast of champions

...or some shit like that.

To me, they just smell like ass.