Shit Chinese People Eat: Shark Fin Soup

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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So you might have heard some noise about shark finning within the last few years. If you haven't, then that's okay too. You're about to become more 'edjumacated.'

"Shark fin soup is a popular soup item of Chinese cuisine usually served at special occasions such as weddings and banquets, or as a luxury item in Chinese culture." (Wikipedia for the win)

In other words, shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick.

Shark fin soup looks something like this:

Shark fin is considered to be a delicacy because it takes a long-ass time to prepare. From what I understand, it could take days to cook a fin. (Read here for instructions)

"The delicacy was coveted by emperors because it was rare, delicious and required elaborate preparation... It symbolizes wealth, power, prestige and honour." Or in other words shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick.

Shark fin itself doesn't taste like anything but the Chinese will smother you like a ship full of tribbles until you believe in its texture. It is also transparent in colour and really hard to see when it's mixed in with a bunch of other crap, but I managed to get a decent picture of one strand of shark fin:

I come shark fin from my dick...if only.

The reason why shark fin is so controversial is because the finning is rather inhumane. Basically the dorsal (top fin), pectoral (side fins) and caudal (tail) fins are cut off while the shark is alive and then the body is chucked back into the ocean because it isn't worth anything. It's like being roofied and then fucked sideways in the ass by a horse. Sounds like something that will happen in The Hangover III but it's ten times worse because you die.

How does one stop the finning? Well, that ties in with the question of why. Because if it doesn't taste like anything, why do people still eat it?

The reason is (for the third fucking time) shark fin is a way for the Chinese to show off and compare who has a bigger dick. The mentality of having more, having bigger and better things than the people around you is so embedded in the mindset and culture of the Chinese people that it's going to take generations to turn this around. Also, with the standard of living in China steadily increasing it means more and more people will have the means to afford the luxury of eating shark fin soup. So yeah, it's going to take a while but that doesn't mean that it can't be done.

My solution to this problem is that somebody needs to invent a real light saber. I mean really make light sabers a reality. Like pronto. It'll be all the rage, and the Chinese will have it, and they'll be able to wave it in each other's faces, and maybe have a light off.

Jedi-style.

What? There's nothing wrong with that! It's a completely different type of dick!

Or set the standard on to something a little less ecologically damaging. I guess there's that too.

And for the ladies, don't feel left out. Substitute designer bag for dick and now you know what I mean. Lord knows, I'm guilty of this.

To end today's rather long post, I'm going to leave you with a deep thought. Who is actually to blame for the deaths of over 25 million sharks every year: the finners or the consumers?

May the force be with you. Live long and prosper.