Opening Ceremonies: A Comparative Study

Disclaimer: The contents of these pictures belong to VANOC (Vancouver Organizing Committee) and LOC (London Organizing Committee), and ultimately the IOC (International Olympic Committee). I took the pictures on the left, but the ones on the right are definitely not mine!

Three things I learned from watching the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Games and the 2012 Summer Games:

3.) There needs to be one celebrity singer with either Scottish or Irish roots: Sarah McLachlan vs. Paul McCartney

Their songs will stick in your head for ever!

2.) Every country has pyromanic and narcotic tendencies: Doobies vs. Cigarettes

I can't believe London managed to get all 204 flame petals to go up and Vancouver couldn't raise 5.

1.) On an international stage, go big or go home: Ursa Major vs. Lord Voldemort

In certain situations, both are still very huggable and cute.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Pig Intestines

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea

are planes, cars, and boats.

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The concept is really gross, but it tastes good...when it's cooked right and not, you know, toxic enough to kill you.

Or in other words, make sure you squeeze out all of the pig's shit that's lodged inside and thoroughly clean it before cooking and eating.

Bottom left hand corner: looks like the chef missed a spot.

Pig intestines are just fat, or at least they taste like fat. I'm not entirely sure and the internet doesn't  give me a good answer.

The consistency can be rather chewy if it's not cooked long enough, or if it's cut into thick pieces like the ones shown here.



I actually like it better when it's cut at a wide cross-section angle and each piece is an intact oval. You can see exactly how fatty it is inside the intestine. Of course, this way you also run the risk of food poisoning because it wouldn't be quite as clean.

Oh well, I haven't died yet :)



Gearing Up For Pride

These aren't gears though, they're origami fireworks. Youtube it and see how it's supposed to turn. It's quite trippy.

Better than the fireworks that shoot out from between Katy Perry's boobs, yes?

Each of these were made out of twelve individual squares (15cm x 15cm). Took about 1.5 hours per firework to fold and assemble.

Shit Chinese People Eat: Jellyfish

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea

are planes, cars, and boats.

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Thankfully, this is one type of food that sounds disgusting but doesn't actually look nor taste disgusting. After the last three rounds of chicken head, brain and eyes (oh dear God, please never again), I am more than ready for some edible food.

Hand-shredded chicken with jellyfish

Jellyfish have no taste to it and most of the time it's seasoned with sesame oil and garnished with wonton noodle flakes, as seen above. The texture of jellyfish is like tripe or a crunchier version of shark fin. Jellyfish has to be thoroughly cleaned before it's edible otherwise its toxins may kill you.

Oh, how lovely.

I'm innocent, I swear.

If you ever manage to get a mound of jellyfish on a plate, then remember to shake it and watch it jiggle like jello. It reminds me of a massive snake orgy where the male snakes try to impregnate a female snake that's in heat. It's a fact, look it up.

Speaking of sexy times, did you know that jellyfish reproduce sexually and asexually? And some of them are hermaphrodites in nature? (Wikipedia, for the win)

Cannonball jellyfish, one of the two edible jellyfish species most commonly found in the southeastern coast of the United States, sexually reproduce by shooting sperm into the partner's mouth. Talk about impregnation by blowjob.

Damn nature, you scary.

Make It, I Did

An origami Master Yoda, that is:

A co-worker said his face looks like a sideways crane.

The paper is 15cm x 15cm to start with and then it becomes the size of two quarters laid side by side. That little guy is #5 on our suspect line.

From left to right: 1st attempt, 2nd attempt, 3rd attempt, er please disregard, 5th attempt.

I'm going to make an army of these until I memorize every step.

5 Unintentionally Dirty Phrases

1. This is hard.
2. Oh, I love cream pie!
3. I've had thicker
4. This is really hard.
5. I need to put something in my mouth. Like right now.

Happy humpday, everybody!

Hot Like Mexico, Rejoice!

Title was shamelessly ganked from Lady Gaga. But the atmosphere at casa de AC is far from rejoicing. No, it's fucking melting.

That's celcius which is 80F

I shouldn't complain about the heat since I did complain about the lack of sun not too long ago. But complain I will because it's not conductive to my job search because I can't focus, or my masturbation because why the hell would I want to add to the heat?

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Eyes

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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This is the last "edible" part of a chicken head, and let me tell you that it is not fucking edible. At all. I mean, look at this!

Would you want to eat this shit?

That little tail to the left is the optic nerve. Oh, Jesus Christ on a stick.

That looks like it belongs in my daily dump and even then it would be an anomaly! I peeled away the eyelids (and I ate it because it's skin and it's the only edible part of a chicken eye, really) and came face-to-face with a slime-encrusted eyeball.

Holy fuck. Did you know that the iris is protected by a thin stiff film that breaks when you poke it? Then black liquid oozes out from behind?

I have seen Chinese people (okay just my Dad) pick an entire chicken head clean, leaving nothing but bones and brittle stuff behind.

I don't get it! How the fuck can something like that be edible when it's not!

Fuck this!

Happy Canada Day (One Day Late)

Oh, you went to a barbeque?
Oh, you watched the fireworks?
Oh, you got the day off?

Well, fuck you! Mine was shit, thank you fucking very much for asking and now it's Monday again.

If you're like me, this is how you might feel today:

Rainbow fuck

Have a nice fucking day!