5 Unintentionally Dirty Phrases

1. This is hard.
2. Oh, I love cream pie!
3. I've had thicker
4. This is really hard.
5. I need to put something in my mouth. Like right now.

Happy humpday, everybody!

Hot Like Mexico, Rejoice!

Title was shamelessly ganked from Lady Gaga. But the atmosphere at casa de AC is far from rejoicing. No, it's fucking melting.

That's celcius which is 80F

I shouldn't complain about the heat since I did complain about the lack of sun not too long ago. But complain I will because it's not conductive to my job search because I can't focus, or my masturbation because why the hell would I want to add to the heat?

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Eyes

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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This is the last "edible" part of a chicken head, and let me tell you that it is not fucking edible. At all. I mean, look at this!

Would you want to eat this shit?

That little tail to the left is the optic nerve. Oh, Jesus Christ on a stick.

That looks like it belongs in my daily dump and even then it would be an anomaly! I peeled away the eyelids (and I ate it because it's skin and it's the only edible part of a chicken eye, really) and came face-to-face with a slime-encrusted eyeball.

Holy fuck. Did you know that the iris is protected by a thin stiff film that breaks when you poke it? Then black liquid oozes out from behind?

I have seen Chinese people (okay just my Dad) pick an entire chicken head clean, leaving nothing but bones and brittle stuff behind.

I don't get it! How the fuck can something like that be edible when it's not!

Fuck this!

Happy Canada Day (One Day Late)

Oh, you went to a barbeque?
Oh, you watched the fireworks?
Oh, you got the day off?

Well, fuck you! Mine was shit, thank you fucking very much for asking and now it's Monday again.

If you're like me, this is how you might feel today:

Rainbow fuck

Have a nice fucking day!

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Brain

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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So to continue on from last week's discussion, one edible part of a chicken head is the brain. Here's the back of the head with an incision already made into the skull.

When the head has been cooked for a while, the whole bone structure of the head becomes fairly soft so it's easy to peel away parts of the skull, like so:

Easily confused with a mind-controlling alien blob. Yup.

I managed to extract the brain completely intact with the brain stem:

At a certain angle it could look like a monkey's butt.

But it falls apart when I try to pick it up with chopsticks. Like it just naturally parts into left brain, right brain, and brain stem:

Chicken brain tastes as disgusting as it looks. I was expecting it to taste like oysters because it felt mushy but firm when I took it out.

But it tasted very strongly of blood and had the consistency of soft boogers, like the hard yellow ones that have been stewed in snot so that it ends up kind of squishy.

No amount of sauce, dipping or otherwise, is going to block the metallic and tangy bitter taste when the brain hits the back of the tongue. My brain told me not to swallow it, but I did anyway. Fuck, it was traumatizing and I used to fucking like this stuff?!

Oh, God. Seriously, the things I do for this blog.

Don't eat this unless it's life or death and chicken brain is the only available protein that will keep you alive. In case your friends ever wonder what chicken brian taste like, just tell them this little formula:

Brain = Blood + Boogers

Worst Words Ever: Turgid

So I was reading a piece of erotica the other day and it was pretty good until I read the word "turgid."

Seriously, of all the words at an author can use to describe a penis why the fuck did it have to be turgid? I mean Jesus-fuck, it starts with the word “turd” and ends with the word “frigid.”

Look! I even drew you a picture to show you what a horrible word it is:

In this case, it's only right to use a yellowy-pee colour as the background.

And when that cold shit melts in hot piss, it's enough to put the “eww” in “putrid.”

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Head

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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When I say chicken head, it is not in any relation to the derogatory term chicken head (something I've never heard of until I had to write this post and I thought I would share that with you) but chicken head like a-type-of-meat chicken head.

So without further ado, here's the head:

Chicken head in bad lighting

Yeah, it's black and no, I'm not racist. This breed of chicken is called silkie and it comes in black or white. Black silkies are mostly chopped up and boiled in water with Chinese herbs and roots to make a medicinal broth; and when done right both the broth and the chicken taste pretty good.

The head on the other hand . . . sigh. I don't know what to tell you other than the fact that most of it is inedible because it's all skin and bones with very little fat. I ate the combs and the wattle which is just skin but still very eww and you can bet your ass that I smothered that shit in soy sauce and sriracha sauce before I ate it.

Upward shot from the neck. The bad lighting was a good idea in this case.

I have to say, I was a little traumatized after I ate this because it was just so gross. The whole concept of eating a chicken head is fucking disgusting, but according to my mom I used to love it, particularly the skin and the brain (omfg, more on that in next week's edition of Shit Chinese People Eat).

Oh, the things I do for this blog. Fuck.