Shit Chinese People Eat: Jellyfish

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea

are planes, cars, and boats.

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Thankfully, this is one type of food that sounds disgusting but doesn't actually look nor taste disgusting. After the last three rounds of chicken head, brain and eyes (oh dear God, please never again), I am more than ready for some edible food.

Hand-shredded chicken with jellyfish

Jellyfish have no taste to it and most of the time it's seasoned with sesame oil and garnished with wonton noodle flakes, as seen above. The texture of jellyfish is like tripe or a crunchier version of shark fin. Jellyfish has to be thoroughly cleaned before it's edible otherwise its toxins may kill you.

Oh, how lovely.

I'm innocent, I swear.

If you ever manage to get a mound of jellyfish on a plate, then remember to shake it and watch it jiggle like jello. It reminds me of a massive snake orgy where the male snakes try to impregnate a female snake that's in heat. It's a fact, look it up.

Speaking of sexy times, did you know that jellyfish reproduce sexually and asexually? And some of them are hermaphrodites in nature? (Wikipedia, for the win)

Cannonball jellyfish, one of the two edible jellyfish species most commonly found in the southeastern coast of the United States, sexually reproduce by shooting sperm into the partner's mouth. Talk about impregnation by blowjob.

Damn nature, you scary.

Make It, I Did

An origami Master Yoda, that is:

A co-worker said his face looks like a sideways crane.

The paper is 15cm x 15cm to start with and then it becomes the size of two quarters laid side by side. That little guy is #5 on our suspect line.

From left to right: 1st attempt, 2nd attempt, 3rd attempt, er please disregard, 5th attempt.

I'm going to make an army of these until I memorize every step.

5 Unintentionally Dirty Phrases

1. This is hard.
2. Oh, I love cream pie!
3. I've had thicker
4. This is really hard.
5. I need to put something in my mouth. Like right now.

Happy humpday, everybody!

Hot Like Mexico, Rejoice!

Title was shamelessly ganked from Lady Gaga. But the atmosphere at casa de AC is far from rejoicing. No, it's fucking melting.

That's celcius which is 80F

I shouldn't complain about the heat since I did complain about the lack of sun not too long ago. But complain I will because it's not conductive to my job search because I can't focus, or my masturbation because why the hell would I want to add to the heat?

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Eyes

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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This is the last "edible" part of a chicken head, and let me tell you that it is not fucking edible. At all. I mean, look at this!

Would you want to eat this shit?

That little tail to the left is the optic nerve. Oh, Jesus Christ on a stick.

That looks like it belongs in my daily dump and even then it would be an anomaly! I peeled away the eyelids (and I ate it because it's skin and it's the only edible part of a chicken eye, really) and came face-to-face with a slime-encrusted eyeball.

Holy fuck. Did you know that the iris is protected by a thin stiff film that breaks when you poke it? Then black liquid oozes out from behind?

I have seen Chinese people (okay just my Dad) pick an entire chicken head clean, leaving nothing but bones and brittle stuff behind.

I don't get it! How the fuck can something like that be edible when it's not!

Fuck this!

Happy Canada Day (One Day Late)

Oh, you went to a barbeque?
Oh, you watched the fireworks?
Oh, you got the day off?

Well, fuck you! Mine was shit, thank you fucking very much for asking and now it's Monday again.

If you're like me, this is how you might feel today:

Rainbow fuck

Have a nice fucking day!

Shit Chinese People Eat: Chicken Brain

The only things we can't eat from the air, land, and sea
are planes, cars, and boats.

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So to continue on from last week's discussion, one edible part of a chicken head is the brain. Here's the back of the head with an incision already made into the skull.

When the head has been cooked for a while, the whole bone structure of the head becomes fairly soft so it's easy to peel away parts of the skull, like so:

Easily confused with a mind-controlling alien blob. Yup.

I managed to extract the brain completely intact with the brain stem:

At a certain angle it could look like a monkey's butt.

But it falls apart when I try to pick it up with chopsticks. Like it just naturally parts into left brain, right brain, and brain stem:

Chicken brain tastes as disgusting as it looks. I was expecting it to taste like oysters because it felt mushy but firm when I took it out.

But it tasted very strongly of blood and had the consistency of soft boogers, like the hard yellow ones that have been stewed in snot so that it ends up kind of squishy.

No amount of sauce, dipping or otherwise, is going to block the metallic and tangy bitter taste when the brain hits the back of the tongue. My brain told me not to swallow it, but I did anyway. Fuck, it was traumatizing and I used to fucking like this stuff?!

Oh, God. Seriously, the things I do for this blog.

Don't eat this unless it's life or death and chicken brain is the only available protein that will keep you alive. In case your friends ever wonder what chicken brian taste like, just tell them this little formula:

Brain = Blood + Boogers